Exams are around the corner…and I can't seem to feel any of the tension and confusion that grips so many others…especially my mother. No…not yet. Tension ill feel after the exams…and confusion after the results are declared. Now I feel serene…as serene as any poor lamb in 24 parganas…destined for sacrifice. I don't pray…for goats bleat, they don't pray…but I like to meditate like one...for believe me…goats DO meditate.
I'm rambling…I always do when I am on the rooftop and there is no one to listen to my gibberish.NO ONE…oh how I like this here!!!
As I stand here facing west…there is the historic hill of dhauli o the left…and a cool breeze carries the scent of ready sugar canes…from the fields that lie in between…it wont rain…the sky is calm clear and deep…for it is this time of the day when the sky is most moody…from cheery blue to velvety black. As you stand here and just see the hues change smoothly from lighter to darker…from tranquil to beautiful, how can u doubt God exists??And that he is not a painter??Trust me…the plain white dome of peace juxtaposed against a charred blue sky (for now) is a sight so bewitching that my eyes just won't move. They want to drink it all. But…
From my left to the right (and I am still facing the west…) along my house runs this road…which is the only connection 8 villages along the bed of the river dayanadi have with mainstream Bhubaneswar. It should be pretty busy right? Well when there are no tractors carrying produce or villagers huffing away on cycles (or recently lunas and mopeds)…there are these announcement vehicles...which are actually automobile three wheelers...improvised to carry an improvised speaker on top with an announcer seated inside to shout out the niceties of the newest jatra or family planning policy.sometimes there is also a girl to sing out jingles too…
Anyway…nobody is there on the road…it is empty. Alone…like me. With just a gangly tamarind tree for company…a glance beyond stills me…vast fields. Each with its own unique character…some sown…some harvested…some lolling with sprightly produce….all swaying in the wind (too far away for me to notice it…but I can imagine) and these ancient guardians of peepuls and banyans in between…scattered…standing lazily…like they have always done. Always. In the sun and in the rain…and in the chilling cold of winter…or scorch of the sun.Don't mistake their stance for fatigue or nonchalance. Its just that they have seen too much…been through it all …hundreds of times…throughout countless lives…because revolutions and old trees don't die…they exist.Always just out of sight. But there.
Meanwhile the tamarind tree bristles with life as some late travelers to the marshes make it the camp for night…but I don't dissect these majestic white birds with pearls of wisdom…no, I don't even notice them then. Because I notice that the tree somewhat clouds the view of what is certainly the best view of the sky I have seen in 24 hours.
Ah! What a view that is..! Lazy strokes of celestial gold hide bales of flimsy crimson cotton…and someone there lies the architect of it all….the sun. Where does this green come from? Is it a jade that has fallen from his chariot…is it the eye of one of his seven stallions? And this purple? ...certainly this is the hue of his royal standard..? I can see two dragons in the sky…caressing a dolphin which is posing mid somersault…slightly to the right, I can see the last vestiges of a celestial fight…what with dead horses and broken chariots….and I can see arrows that never reached their target…some with golden shafts (possible celestial) and others plain rusty red…like the destruction they imply. But the fight is on a different dimension…with a little concentration I can hear the sounds of battle too and as the sounds fade…I can almost see the victorious champion with his grim half smile...turn to his left and gallop to the sun…for his is the glory now, that the sun will bestow on him…but in a different world.because in this world…the sun is setting…because his chariot never stops.His stallions never tire…and he moves on to leave a crimson sky and two cheeky rabbits in it.or wait…one of them is a crocodile.
The skyline of bhubaneswar lies to my right(and I am still facing the west)but I don't feel like looking that way.. I am standing.Still. Unmoving. Watching the sky turn from red to purple to indigo…to finally that king of hues.
As I finally see the cranes tuck in for the night, I can hear my mum screaming from downstairs for me to come down and start studying. The early stars have started twinkling. They have woken early tonight…as the sky is clear. I think…do they enjoy the sight of evening so much as I do? for it must be morning for them …and their days are black and nights filled with light…there are more stars than I can count now…and so I start the trudge back to the books. But more than awe, I have this sinking feeling,this sense of terrible loss...thinking how many such blessed wintry evenings I have missed...
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I wrote this for someone...at a different time...in a different age...when we both believed differently...We still do...but times have changed.And now we Know...
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