Delirious on a Hot afternoon...

Image courtesy: 

Horseshoe Bend Near Antelope Canyon - Arizona - Dan Kosmayer @ www.photographyzone.com

Lethargy is the affliction of the vacationing masses.Every year as the sun becomes trying, we are excused from education and the pursuit of job-ensnaring skills to come back home. To rejoice and recuperate.And ready ourselves, after a fashion, for another stint, our next shot at closing in on our destinations;those that have been chosen for us.

I can see only when my eyes are closed.

I open my Eyes and See a meadow, rolling away in a sea of green, as far as the eye can see; warm sun adorning a welcoming sky, with swift clouds promising the gift of rain soon.i am still and at peace and moving twixt locales and surroundings like the undulations of a sand-artist.Smudges, dots and the flair of sure hands; how i wish it were so easy to mould destiny.

Treacherous and unfair; and scary,for now i am flying over the immeasurable expanse of a soaring canyon.The lay of this ancient land quietly presents the story of eons past, times when different creatures professed to be rulers of their domain, all to the dust and arcane history, have diminished.Quietly and without mourning.

The canyon, unassuming, bearing the mark of their presence; evidence of actions -momentous and trivial alike-like canvas on an easel,painted with unending patience and care and unimaginable rigour, by the seemingly frail and powerless stream, whose voice is unheard at the depths of such a chasm( or heights, for i am flying).Time and perseverance - the masters of all past and yet to come.

The healing touch and the sting of unforgiving ire;sweet chances and bitter memories apart; The gurgling of the stream of time in our lives, never pausing and lofty-Tireless in manner and chilling in abstraction and detachment-hurts us, consoles us and cradles the very heart of hope.And teaches us, those that pause, strive and listen.

Every moment of the future, as it passes, is relegated to the depths of the past, only to be unearthed and exposed, as stark truth, staring at us, beseeching us to learn and correct, to look back and dream ahead, to step correctly and with confidence, with the knowledge of that vast chasm(or heights?) building in us, only as time passes- that we call Experience.

In that, in looking back, the luxury of physical lethargy, is it really so wrong?The pursuit of something worthwhile, for a change?

The Blink of time

"Let us go eat man. I am hungry" he said with a convincing grimace on his face.And then he rubbed his tummy and sat there at the table playing CS.
We both know we are hungry. and high. The exams are done, one way or the other and there is nothing to do now.This should be an improvement, but ..

"You know, we only do work when our ass is on fire."

"umm..?" unintelligible responses are common when your roomie is a CS addict.

So i continued.."When we dont HAVE to do something, we dont do it.because we dont have to do it." repetitions are common when you are high.

...fire in the hole...

"DAMN!!"I dint open my eyes.Obviously he died.And now...

"hey let us go eat man, i am hungry".

"hmm..."i dint open my eyes.Sure enough,soon, the rat-tat-ta of an AK-47 restarted.The weather is not predictable, but some things are...

I look around (eyes opened, eventually). There are books, clothes and loose change lying around the room ;Dirt, litter and waste paper that found its way out of the overflowing dustbin is dancing around under the fan; like arbitrary thoughts, images and memories ricocheting about my head now.

It seems like just yesterday, when i reached this place and was tucked in by mom.A flicker later i remember staying up at nights with my new friends; those unforgettable nights on the basketball court; unfunny jokes and smokes and the starry night besides; We used to shout just so we could hear the echo from across the swimming pool.

I remember so many things in so many flashes of colour that it is impossible to separate them. We played football under streetlights; we got ragged; We went to the city to watch movies; watching tare zameen par was a bonding experience for us -some of us being only sons away from home; and then we got ragged some more; we had awesome parties, all of us and it was the first time for me and it was awesome fun.Then we went home, eyes still wide from the sights of the world and filled with stories that we couldnt share at home:-)

I remember the vision of second year; to up the grades and cut down on the partying. I remember the running around for books and the seriousness in making notes .Make no mistake - it didn't work out.But its all in the past eh?

"DAMN!!" It was a headshot.He wont be delivering his dialogue now. A headshot is an insult; no one gets up without giving it back.

So here i am.
looking around my room at the things that are a part of my life at college; some of which i can never take home.
The bracelet i got from goa is missing; i know where it is. The picture on my desk. The empty bottle of vodka rolling around under my bed. The magazines stacked carelessly in one corner- unread; something that never used to happen.Pretty shells from the beach- collected on a wintry night 2 years ago, when the moon was bright and round and the waves were extra high and strong. shiny round stones from a trek ; i remember the night when we were too late to catch a bus and we walked across two rivers and hitched a ride on an empty bus from maharastra, which took us in because the driver needed directions.

It seems almost impossible to me now, on the threshold of my final year in this place, to comprehend all that has happened to me because i came here.Looking around my unbelievably dirty room gives me a weird nostalgia, for the happy moments and the sad ones tend to inhabit the place where they happened and transport me back to their time, when i close my eyes and look.And when i am high...

Emotions and checkpoints of the past are incomplete without the people involved and their chemistry.The trip down that memory lane for another day.
because i can hear the sounds of a computer shutting down.

Sure enough..

"Hey, lets go eat man. i am damn hungry". You forget, he is high too.And repetitions are common when you are high. :-)